Lets Get Grittier
Building resilience in young people remains a hot topic of discussion in schools world-wide, across all socioeconomic, cultural and nationality groups. How do we build grit in young people?
The statistics around disempowered, vulnerable young adults, now buried in the warped world of social media, show that they turn to substances, their peer group, counter-culture movements and even suicide in their desperation to “cope” with life and its relentless demands. It is of academic curiosity to some but to health professionals, teachers and principals working in a school- going age population, it is a topic of significant concern. Resilience regularly makes it to the agenda of focus group discussion and general training and conferencing. However, is it enough to have medical practitioners, educators and journalists concerned? We need to harness the most effective influencers in the development of resilience and grit in a child- the parents.
Worsened by the pandemic, parents are prone to hover around children, smoothing out every hurdle, protecting them from every disappointment, easing the way, defending their every mistake when, in fact, life is a lesson learnt by mistakes, disappointments and raw deals. Parents can’t take life’s knocks away – that would set this child up for failure. They can, however, hold them when failure hurts. Soothe them when they need courage to try again. Cheer them on when they secure a skill or result competently, no matter what aspect of their life this involves. We can all go daily into a hard world, and we must, if we can return to the safety of home where love is unconditional and adults perspective taking is a lived practice. Not for me, you’re thinking?
His homework’s not done: shame, we had a busy weekend.
He didn’t study and didn’t pass the test: shame, he struggles.
She didn’t play in the team this week: the coach is unfair.
He didn’t earn the most credits: of course, the teacher is unfair.
She doesn’t want to play the sport she chose: shame, let her quit.
He has a spat conflict with a peer: must be that the other child has issues.
He finds the work overwhelming- shame, he doesn’t like the teacher!
He fails uniform inspection- shame, the washing wasn’t done.
He’s late for school again- shame, it’s the traffic!
Camp is too rough! Phys Ed is exhausting! School rules are ridiculous! All the children in the class are bullies!
The intention of this piece is to provoke your thinking. How are you going to develop resilience for the long term challenges in life in your child/ren? Because it is on you. How are you going to help your child “bounce back” from disappointment and challenges? How do you help him find his voice? What will you do to raise your child to own the consequences of their actions – good or bad?
Calling for resilience is not to condone bullying, real conflict and strife or significant disability. Rather, it’s about the “Yes, I can” thinking, even when it involves wet eyes, tissues and heartache. When we overcome difficulty we feel competent and whole.
When we never have to face hardship or a challenge for ourselves, how do we know we can? When we face difficulties and high goals with the support of someone who loves us, we believe we can take on the world!
And we can.